Friday, April 8, 2011

In a state of Pondering

I am going to share with you my experiences with finding my "Inner Space" - no, not like InnerSpace with Dennis Quaid and Martin Short . . . that was just a weird movie, I mean the place in your mind where you meditate.
In this place, the whole world just doesn't exist. It's quite relaxing and oftentimes enlightening, because, in the moments when in the inner space, I learn more about myself than I've ever been consciously aware of.
In the moment I am going to talk about today, I was riding in a GMC Jimmy on my way back from St. George. The weather was taking a turn for nasty, but I was completely safe in my mind. I wouldn't say I was unaware of the circumstances around me, but I was completely unconcerned with them. I had been singing earlier and that often helps me to relax and sink into the inner recesses of my mind. Also, I was listening to Jack Johnson on the ride back and that does a lot too.
But the most influential element of the ride, that brought on this meditative state, was the car ride itself.
I always like silence when in a car. There's something about the constantly changing scenery, the sound and movement of the car, the lack of pressure to be doing anything or worrying about anything (unless my sister is driving! Haha jk Kathy) anyway, all this just puts me in a trance. And the best part about it is that it Feels soooo good! I'm like a baby who goes to sleep in seconds because it is just so comfortable to be in a car. In fact, I often go to my car when I need to concentrate on something. . . or just sit in my car and feel happy.
How many people feel this way, I don't know. Not many, so I've found. Of course if you do you should comment on this and let me know. :)

So, now I am going to move on the substantial portion of this post - and that is what I've learned about the Inner Space.
First - It is a real place. I can move in and out of it like a room in my head.
Second - It is a construct (like in the matrix! hehe). I can change anything I want, imagine anything I want, and everything that I create becomes it's own reality. relatively unaffected by the outside world.
and Third - It's Me. It is more me than I am. I've found that what I imagine, and what I change or desire to change, happens because it's the real Me that is doing it. For example, I got a free mp3 once from something called the Silva Method (silvamethod.com) that was all about bettering your health through meditation. Which is all well and good, but it doesn't work for me to have somebody else's voice in my ears telling how to change myself when I can tell myself any of that and more with my own inner voice. It's more effective for me when it is a personal journey - and hey! what can be more personal than Myself?!

The journey of my life has been to find myself, with steps taken to become as I am supposed to be. The Me that God wants me to be. Turning and returning to my inner space to learn about that person and make the necessary changes.
Take a look inside and you'll see what I mean.
-Becky

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Recent Poetry by Becky

An empty mind inside my head – a view not worth keeping but not letting go – behind me are many places I have never really been to and in front of me the sky is full of nothing to do – Let me fall into that abyss – let me fall because I cannot float here in limbo any longer – the past haunts me and the future is a silent, mysterious darkness – I hate to be inside and I hate to be out in the cold – Fearful of scarcity and resentful of abundance – taking without thought and giving without purpose – Hands in stone and feet on clay – basking in a speck of light – daring to speak out but flinching to listen – This place in me has no words – this place in me lacks image and color – this time is wasted before it has a chance to exist – once I had life, I think . . . – I think I remember that you were there – What happened to that memory? – What did I do to lose it?! - My brain boils with anger – I hate myself – The safest hate and the most destructive - my pride burns me and makes me coarse – like cinders in a pit of rocks - a pit in my mind - an empty mind.